Coffee is the elixir of life. It’s the morning pick-me-up most of us rely on to get our mind and body functioning once we rise in the morning. It’s also a great afternoon buzz to keep you going until it’s time to knock off from work. Really, coffee can be drunk at any time of the day, even at night, although we don’t suggest knocking back an expresso before bed. People talk about coffee so much these days that coffee quotes are even a thing.
These sentences and paragraphs about coffee focus on people’s love for the brown liquid and the many different varieties of beans and types of coffee available. You can have it black, with milk, with sugar, with cream, with foam, or made Irish style and served in all manner of different-sized cups. Coffee even comes cold these days, with cold brew coffee all the rage with hipsters.
Whether you love a Starbucks frappe or a java from your favorite local cafe, coffee is inescapable in the modern world. And with everyone talking about it, this has resulted in a slew of funny and informative coffee quotes. Spoken by all your favorite celebrities, as well as plain old coffee enthusiasts, these funny coffee quotes (and best coffee quotes) about coffee will make you want a hot cup of Joe before you finish reading them all.
It’s hard to believe, but famous people need coffee to function too. This collection of coffee quotes demonstrates just how much musicians, actors, writers, politicians, and other people in the spotlight love a morning coffee.
1. “Three cups of coffee a day keeps the doctor away!” – Henry Rollins
2. “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” – Ronald Regan
3. “I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.” – Abigail Reynolds
4. “He was my cream, and I was his coffee – and when you poured us together, it was something.” – Josephine Baker
5. “Television is not real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.” – Charles J. Sykes
6. “Sometimes when you had nothing at all and it was raining and you were alone in the flat, it was wonderful to know that you could have something even though it was only a cup of black and bitter coffee.” – Betty Smith
7. “I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.” – Burt Lancaster
8. “I like instant gratification. It’s like instant coffee, only it won’t keep you up at night.” – Jarod Kintz
9. “You make good coffee… you’re a slob, but you make good coffee.” – Cher
10. “Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.” – Dave Barry
11. “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape, we didn’t get a good night’s sleep, we’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” – Jerry Seinfeld
12. “Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.” – Jessi Lane Adams
13. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black
14. “Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.” – Sheik Abd Al Kadir
15. “I went out to the kitchen to make coffee – yards of coffee. Rich, strong, bitter, boiling hot, ruthless, depraved. The lifeblood of tired men.” – Raymond Chandler
16. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” – Earl Wilson
17. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” – Thomas Jefferson
18. “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.” – Fran Drescher
19. “Life’s too short for bad coffee.” – Gord Downie
20. “Coffee in England is just toasted milk.” – Christopher Fry
21. “It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.” – Zora Neale Hurston
22. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais
23. “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.” – Harry Mahtar
24. “If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all.” – David Letterman
25. “Coffee first. Schemes later.” – Leanna Renee Hieber
26. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – T.S. Eliot
27. “But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.” – David Lynch
28. “Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.” – Laurell K. Hamilton
29. “Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” – Charles Maurice de Talleyrand
30. “There are those who love to get dirty and fix things. They drink coffee at dawn, beer after work. And those who stay clean, just appreciate things. At breakfast, they have milk and juice at night. There are those who do both, they drink tea.” – Gary Snyder
31. “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors
32. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” – Sir James MacKintosh
33. “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.” – Johann Sebastian Bach
34. “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.” – Clarke Gable
35. “To do good work one must eat well, be well housed, have one’s fling from time to time, smoke one’s pipe, and drink one’s coffee in peace.” – Vincent van Gogh
36. “Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan
37. “I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Baileys straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.” – Meghan Mullally
38. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.” – Hugh Jackman
39. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” – Louisa May Alcott
40. “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.” – Flash Rosenberg
41. “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” – Abraham Lincoln
42. “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro
43. “Reading in bed can be heaven, assuming you can get just the right amount of light on the page and aren’t prone to spilling your coffee or cognac on the sheets.” – Stephen King
44. “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.” – Jac Vanek
45. “I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
46. “Never trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee.” – A. J. Lee
47. “I’ll read my books and I’ll drink coffee and I’ll listen to music, and I’ll bolt the door.” – J.D. Salinger
48. “Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.” – Rita Moreno
49. “Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.” – Nanea Hoffman
50. “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for ‘Before Coffee.'” – Cherise Sinclair
It’s not just real people who enjoy coffee. Many fictional characters throughout history have also enjoyed the warmth and vibrancy that comes with a hot cup of coffee. These quotes come from TV shows, books, songs, and movies and are sure to get you in the mood. Some are attributed to the character, while others highlight the person who wrote them.
51. “I can’t stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing, and the walking, and the words-putting-into-sentences doing.” – Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls)
52. “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” – Terry Pratchett (Thud!)
53. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” – Louisa May Alcott (Little Women)
54. “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for ‘Before Coffee.'” – Cherise Sinclair (Master of the Mountain)
55. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare (City of Ashes)
56. “This left me alone to solve the coffee problem – a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.” – David Sedaris (When You Are Engulfed in Flames)
57. “Coffee is the great incentivizer in the office.” – Michael Scott (The Office)
58. “Live life today like there is no coffee tomorrow.” – Meik Wiking (The Little Book of Hygge)
59. “Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.” – Holly Black (Ironside)
60. “What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book, and a cup of coffee?” – Anthony Trollope (The Warden)
61. “Nothing says coffee like six in the morning.” – Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls)
62. “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.” – Justina Chen (North of Beautiful)
63. “I think the key to the start of any good relationship is to remember how the other person likes their coffee.” – J. Lynn (Wait for You)
These quotes about coffee come from unknown sources but will resonate with anyone who drinks too many cups of coffee during their day. If you’re a coffee lover who needs a strong cup for a good morning, then look no further than these coffee quotes to get you up and about.
64. “Coffee, because adulting is hard.”
65. “I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee.”
66. “My birthstone is a coffee bean.”
67. “If you are not coffee, chocolate, or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”
68. “Decaf? No, it’s dangerous to dilute my caffeine.”
69. “It’s strange how drinking cups of water seems impossible, but eight cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw.”
71. “My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.”
72. “I don’t drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.”
73. “Wanna hear a joke? Decaf.”
74. “Seven days without coffee makes one weak.”
75. “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.”
76. “Life without coffee is like something without something… sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet.”
77. “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.”
78. “May your coffee kick in before reality does.”
79. “Love is in the air, and it smells like coffee.”
80. “To make me happy: Make me coffee, bring me coffee, be coffee… coffee.”
81. “Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people.”
82. “A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it.”
See more about - Vincent Van Gogh Quotes: The 74 Most Memorable
Tobias is a content specialist with over a decade of experience writing about men's lifestyles for a variety of publications around the world. When not on his computer he enjoys traveling, eating pizza, and watching 80s action films.
Tobias is a content specialist with over a decade of experience writing about men's lifestyles for a variety of publications around the world. When not on his computer he enjoys traveling, eating pizza, and watching 80s action films.
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